Revelation in the Philippines

I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that I'm no longer in the Philippines. All day Monday I felt completely heartbroken and really had to pray over this heavy complacency that I faced when coming back to Hong Kong. It's nice to be back home in some sense, it's definitely more comfortable here...but what did anyone ever gain from being comfortable? I'm still working through and reflecting on all that I saw and experienced in the Philippines and I suppose that's why I've put off this blog post, in fear that I make a conclusion on something without thorough contemplation. This is a common problem of mine, wanting to think myself to death until answers are unveiled, only to find that with many things in life and faith there simply are no answers. Do we find contentment in that or do we lose ourselves in the constant strive for enlightenment? Either way, I'll include the cautionary statement that these thoughts/conclusions I dialogue on are a mere reflection of Gods revelation in this season and place. Maybe one day they'll serve as a testimony to how naive and ignorant I was, maybe they'll act as evidence to a prophetic moment, or maybe they'll be nothing at all - and I'm okay with that. 

So the Philippines! I'll save you the details or else we'll all be grey and bored to tears by the end of it. The first few days were your typical vacation, r&r kind of days. The Philippines boasts an impressive show for tourists - clear, turquoise waters and white sand beaches. A tropical paradise that quickly transitions to slums, rickety tricycles, and foul smells as soon as you step away from the tourist scene. It's within those slums and the authentic culture of the Philippines that God hit me with revelation after revelation, and since these were my big take aways I'll take this entry from that angle.

Revelation One: Evangelism isn't scary. In ministry, I've always been one to lean more on the deed end of things than the word (surprising I know since I can babble). I've always believed in a relational approach to sharing the Gospel. Through meeting the physical and relational needs of an individual, God will open a door to meet the spiritual need in time. I still agree with this approach on a broader basis, but I realized taking a "one approach only" mentality was a close-minded way of going about things. For a few days, I was blessed to stay with the Bautistas, two national missionaries who lead YWAM Bohol with a focus in mercy ministry. In our initial correspondence, I asked whether there was any way I could prepare for serving with them - but I was given little information and concluded that I would jump in with an open-mind and flexibility. So the first night that I arrive, Ate Nene ("Ate" is a term of respect, addressed to someone like an older sister), sat me down and ran over what we'd be doing. First item on the agenda - evangelizing in the park. Immediately, the image of someone standing on a podium shouting to a crowd that they need Jesus or be eternally damned popped into my mind, and my thoughts began to scheme of any way I might be able to get out of this terrifying situation. By the end of the day, I realized just how silly this immense fear had been. Evangelism really should be called "Talking to People," because really it's as simple as that. Ate Nene would sit next to a girl and watch her kids play with the pigeons, and before you knew it she had struck up a casual conversation. She would invite me over to talk with them, and when introducing her family and life - the Lord would come up, because of course - He is at the center of her life. BOOM, first person we talk to asks if she could visit our church, which led to Ate sharing the Gospel, which led to me praying over her. It was totally natural and I realized that evangelism is nothing but intentionally talking to people. It's not about going out hunting or making an uproar or condemning others, it's simply planting the seed and trusting that God will lead the rest. We talk and talk about being disciples of Christ within the confines of our homes and small groups, but when do we actually go OUT to BE disciples? If we're not spreading the Gospel, then what are we doing? 

Revelation Two - America is a third-world country. No, I haven't gone crazy. America may be materially rich, but it is extremely spiritually poor. It's all about how you define "blessings," and if we are to think in a Heavenly perspective then America is further off than many majority world countries. You see, the most impoverished places like the Philippines, Africa, India, Haiti - seem to have nothing, yet many believers in these nations are overflowing with the joy of the Spirit. Their reward awaits in heaven, while our material possessions will be nothing but dust. I've personally experienced churches that are ON FIRE for Christ while worshiping in a room of a mall, or in a wooden shack, or under a black stretched out garbage bag. I've met indigenous pastors who not only preach, but go out as missionaries, maintain their own farms, and run every single Bible study in the church while they live off a dime. In the Philippines, I got to go to a prayer meeting with the Bautistas at their church. Although the people of the Philippines speak mostly Tagali, they conduct praise & worship in English. I was hit with the power of the Holy Spirit that night as a group of the church youth came together and were literally overflowing with a passion for the Lord. After worship, each student went through their analysis of the passage on being the light of the world and the salt of the Earth - a part of Scripture so appropriate for what I was witnessing. After praying over specific needs within the church, a group of girls approached me. They stood around and asked me intentional questions about who I was and what I liked to do, making me feel genuinely welcomed. It wasn't until after the service that Ate Nene told me that the youth were all orphans. I couldn't believe it! Here I am thinking I was going to come and serve and pour into the local community, but in all actuality they were the ones who were pouring into me. Orphans who had experienced past neglect and abuse were being lights of the world to the foreigner in their midst. America may be "rich" but how powerful is our light, really?

Revelation Three: Suffering is a privilege. This particular line was underlined in the devotional book of Jasmine, one of the youngest kids at the orphanage I stayed at for the remainder of my week. Jasmine sat next to me in church one evening and I couldn't help but peak at her Bible and devotional book that were both marked to the core with underlines and circles. As we split off into prayer partners I stayed with little Jasmine thinking I would take the lead. We had been commissioned to pray over the nations and so I started us, trying to keep things short and simple so she could understand with the language and age difference. I ended with "amen" and immediately Jasmine took off into a passion-filled prayer in Tagali. I didn't understand it all but did catch the words "Ate Sarah," "China," "North Korea" "United States".... I'll admit that I opened my eyes in disbelief as Jasmine squeezed her lids in passion and prayed over the nations in the name of Jesus. It was then that I realized that these kids were being trained to be disciples - and THEY (not you or me) were the ones who would eventually reach the community for Christ. It was a beautiful experience to see the fruit that came from suffering. As me and all the kids piled into the trunk bed for the drive home, they continued to worship the entire ride home. Literally, it was a moving choir driving through the underdeveloped streets of the Philippines. I looked around to find some kids with their eyes closed in praise, others smiling with joy, and others staring outside in reverence. I joined along, so overcome with their contagious passion for the Lord. Halfway home, one of the boys yelled to me "Ate!" "yes?" "I used to live there" (of course I naively ask) "where?" (expecting some specific location to be pointed out) "There" pointing directly to the street. I didn't say anything. I was lost in the testimony of these kids' lives who had been on the streets struggling every day just to survive - yet sat before me with faith that I had never witnessed before. It made Jasmine's devotional come alive - for if suffering leads to the overflow of Christ's love like displayed in the kids of the orphanage - then Lord bring me suffering. 

Revelation Four - Authentic beauty is found WITHIN people. I've had incredible opportunities to experience other cultures. I've seen the Colosseum in Rome, the rolling hills of Tuscany, the jungles of Costa Rica, and the temples of China. Each experience was unique and beautiful but it was the people apart of it that really created each memory. It is so necessary to take a relational approach to everything, including your travels. It would be easy to go somewhere and use the culture for your own gain - to swim in the water, to hike the mountains, to snap photos of historic buildings - but if you limit it to that, you'd be missing out on a lot. It's the people of that culture who can teach you how to see things outside of yourself, to mature you in wisdom and empathy, to reveal the diversity of Gods greatest creation - mankind, made in His very image. 

Like I said in the beginning, there's still a lot of things I'm working through - how to go about ministry to those materially poor, how to love those who do not realize they are poor, how best to do overseas missions, and where the Lord wants to use me. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts. Okay, maybe more than just "sometimes." I suppose that's the most wonderful part of life though - that in walking each day with the Lord there never fails to be new revelation and growth in understanding, not only of this world but of the character of God. The key is not to give up. Not to feel like there will ever be a time that you will "get it" all. Not to stop exploring and seeking and thirsting for more. Through this holy pursuit - the Lord will guide us on a journey that is better than we could imagine. 

True Love

What a beautiful holiday that we designate to celebrate love. The past few days, I have been thinking about love and all of the dynamics that go along with the four letter word. After a morning of ministry in the slums of the Philippines I came home to read some beautiful words from my Valentine. I'll embarrassingly admit that I was in the middle of a journal entry which began to record the events of the day and this sweet moment from my valentine when I detoured to pour out my thoughts on love and the true love that is found only in the most amazing lover - my Lord Jesus Christ. Before I share my journal thoughts I do want to say what a beautiful experience it is to be in a relationship with someone who loves the Lord and desires to lead us in a life of righteousness. It is only because of his love for the Lord that he is able to treat me like the Lord intended all women to be treated - like true princesses. Ladies - never accept anything less.

Okay so thoughts on love. Something that has really been on my mind and heart the past few days is the notion of love which stands as the greatest commandment. I realized that at times I run from love or pick and choose those who I feel deserve my love (or at least I know that's what my actions show). I kept thinking about a conversation I had with a local about choosing my next step in life and wanting to be career minded when she interrupted me and told me in broken English "relationship is always better." Doh - ouch. It's a truth I know but am scared to submit to. I'm like that with everything though. On a wider scheme I'm one who prefers a clear task to accomplish, a capable end goal in sight, and a predictable schedule so I can be ready and in complete control of everything. Yet this is contrary to the greatest commandment - where God calls and demands that we first and foremost, love. He calls us to relationship even if that means allowing vulnerability, facing rejection, and being unprepared because you don't know what lies ahead. So then that made me think - the greatest commandment is not just for the receiver but also for the sender. Love can be such a scary and unpredictable thing that sometimes we're forced to rely on Him to do it. Take it a step further and think about those who are difficult to love, those who have abused your love, those whose love you have lost. For me and for many Christians, sometimes its those who may not be what we stereotype as "needy" who are harder to love. We are eager to serve orphans in Africa while we turn our noses to the ghettos in our very backyard. We are quick to make relationships on a one week mission trip but get stuck in our Bible studies and Christian concerts back home and never go OUT of the Christian bubble. We quickly judge those who are materially rich but overlook the fact that they are completely spiritually impoverished (this could be a whole other entry for me so I'll just keep it at that for now). (disclaimer: I'm all for small groups and Christian fellowship, but I do think we need to evaluate the distribution of our time).

Okay back to love -

Sometimes, our society makes love seem like it's such an easy and simple thing. "I'm a lover not a fighter," "Peace and Love," "My love don't cost a thing" (Had to throw that last one in there) - BUT the truth is, love isn't simple and it surely isn't easy, and if it were then it wouldn't be real love!

But I have Good News. I just so happen to be in love with the Creator of Love. Yup, it's true. And He is the most Divine Lover who has given to me a love deeper than human affection or roller-coaster feelings. It's a love that brings life in abundance, peace in all circumstances, and joy even in suffering. It's only through this love that I can love at all, and I fail at that all the time as a broken human being. But I do hope and pray that in all my relationships there will be a continual submission to Gods love so that we can let go of the lies of the world; which tell us that love is mushy-gushy feelings, physical passion, strong attraction, or even common hobbies. If you notice, the similar trend of all those things is that they all change and can all be lost. (No wonder 50% of marriages end in divorce!) In contrast, when we see love as God intended it to be - as a holy commandment that requires deep commitment, genuine loyalty, humble sacrifice, and a servants attitude then we see how the Lord wants to use love and relationship as a way to grow us more into His image. In that case, love to God, to self, and to others is far from easy, but its a long-term process that requires one to daily die to self for the sake of the Lord and for others. Love then becomes not about self-gain or fleeting feelings, but about sacrifice and submission - like the greatest act of love found when Jesus took on the sins of man and died an excruciating death, being crucified on the cross and resurrected three days later so that we may be reconciled to God. Phew - How much more beautiful is this love then the love prescribed to us by man?

Father, I pray that You will plant within us a desire to love the way You crafted us to love. I pray that others will feel Your holy love poured out from those who know You so that they can get a taste of true love and hunger for more. Lord, I ask that You will use the commandment to love as a way of instilling in us the sacrifice, servitude, and commitment that it requires in relationship and within the path of righteousness. Only You, our Great Teacher, can teach us how to love others, ourselves, and You. Break down the box that we've placed love in and restore our understanding of what love truly is and what it looks like on a daily and long-term basis. Thank You for a love so deep that human words can't describe it and that my head can't even wrap around, a love that brings us to our knees in wonderful disbelief. You are my one true love and I will celebrate this today and everyday. I pray all these things in the name of my Dearly Beloved. Amen.

Livin Like a Local

Well, I seem to be truly settling into place here in the HK; hence the reason for my non-weekly blog updates that I promised to some, my deepest apologies. It is such a good feeling to have figured out a some-what normal routine though, and I am really beginning to feel at home here. I was reminded of the importance of community within those first few weeks of scrambling, which were mixed in with an occasional bout of loneliness and culture shock that I suppose is expected when you move to the other side of the world.

I can't even remember what I covered last time so I'll just throw out random updates. KIBC has become such an awesome community for me. Every Wednesday the college group, Crosspointe, comes together for a weekly Bible study where we are currently reading through Ephesians. It's different than the small groups I'm used to back home that follow the typical structure of worship - message - discussion - prayer requests - end. Nope, we're much less formal at KIBC and Bible study is as simple as a group of people coming together, opening up the Bible, reading, and talking. What comes out of it is incredible debate and discussion over literally every single passage - what does this mean? What does your version say? What was going on at that time and where else in Scripture does it talk about this? I love the lack-of structure, it really brings out everyone's different ideas and it's incredible to hear all the different ways that people read and interpret a passage. It's a uniqueness that is often lost when we come together and are told a certain message that we are expected to understand and agree with - making groups more receptive than analytical. I'm a fan of how Crosspointe does it, despite the at times frustrating debates, I always come out of it feeling like I'm an inkling more appreciative of the diversity of Christ's body and closer to learning that my way of thinking is definitely NOT the only way of thinking, and that's a beautiful (and probably good) thing!

So people have asked me about where I've decided to get plugged in as far as ministry, and that leads me to a funny story. I told everyone that the primary reason for me coming here was not to study or travel or explore but to learn about the Asian culture and submit myself to serving the local community. This being my focus I felt pretty anxious to get plugged into a ministry right away - after all, I'm only here for 5 months and relationships don't just form over night! (Well technically they can, but you know what I mean).  So here I am being my usual self - researching ministry opportunities in the city, narrowing my church search to places that would provide an opportunity to serve, and getting frustrated when after a few weeks I was still floating, and not serving. To be honest, I heard that KIBC was very focused on ministering to international students which left me apprehensive because I wanted to be the one serving, not the one being served. HAH. Yes, this is laughable. Because how many Christian leaders take this stance and get burned out because of it? Many close to me have experienced this, as Christians who have felt called to some kind of leadership or vocational ministry we feel almost obligated to give, give, give and forget that we ourselves need to be poured into, we need to be kept accountable, and we need to be served as well. Because if not we risk the danger of burn out, passivity, increased temptations, etc.etc. I mean obviously we are still people of flesh. So then the Lord completely broke me of my arrogance, reminding me that I am most definitely not above being poured into - and I needed to take a humble position to be a servant NOT a savior. I got on my knees right then and there, and before I knew it my bed was stained with mascara - I. Was. Broken.

The beautiful thing about brokenness is the submission that follows - something I have to intentionally seek on a daily basis. For a planner like me, trust and submission is tough. Yet the Lord is faithful, and every time I submit and take a leap of faith into the unknown by trusting in His provision - the reward is so much greater than I could have imagined. Okay so to the funny part, once I surrendered my plans and said okay, if it is God's plan that this season is to be used for me to be poured into and taught then so be it! I give up my plans to find some leadership position or mission outreach on my own.

Then, BOOM.

I'm getting e-mails about serving with the children at KIBC, teaching an English Conversation under the HKBU Chaplain's Office, and potentially helping a missions coordinator at another local church. OKAY LORD I GET IT! It was never about the fact that He didn't want me to serve or wanted me to second guess my calling, it was simply surrendering my control over this ministry and allowing Him to lead me where He wanted me - in His own time, in His own way.

It's so funny, we always stress about the details. How am I going to do this? When will this happen? Where do I need to be? What do I need to be doing? How often do we stop and say, okay - I don't know but the Lord knows - and I TRUST that. When we remember to trust the unknown the Lord always faithfully works out the details for us, when we become willing!

Oh boy, I am such a wordy writer. It's kind of unfortunate because I always have so much to say but I realize most will stop after the first paragraph (if they read at all, because I myself may want to read something until I open it up to see a novel-sized entry and then move on to other things). How about I bullet proof the rest of my life updates? Everyone likes notes in this time-obsessed world (me included).

Okay, for the busy and faint of heart - here's your bullet list:
- I feel settled!
- I have an awesome church family at KIBC
- I finally went hiking! Lion Rock last weekend and Tai Mui yesterday, incredible how in HK you can be in the city one minute and the mountains and beach in another - love love love
- I had an interview to serve in the AmeriCorps this past Wednesday and it went really well :) we shall seeeeee
- A couple of churches in Fort Wayne e-mailed me about serving with them over the summer, another we shall seeeee
- Chinese New Year is in a week and I'm going to the PHILIPPINES. Hasn't hit me yet. I've officially designated it my graduation trip. We have a huge beach house. It's gon be fun.
- I'm going to be working with toddlers in Sunday School and excited to plug back in with kids. I think I've slowly become more uptight within my break from kids and not being able to goof around like a 5-year-old - yes, I like doing that. I'll admit it.
- I'll be teaching English conversation classes twice a week starting after Chinese New Year
- I may possibly help the missions coordinator at a church called ECC, ironically she is from TX, was an exchange student from HKBU, moved to HK and married a local, and now works as the missions coordinator for a church. Her story is so similar to mine! Except don't worry I don't think I'll marry a local - happily taken ;)
- Last but certainly not least: I miss and love everyone dearly.

Until next time - over and out.