Serving the Un-served.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58

So I just had my one-month anniversary here at CooperRiis and my goodness what a time it has been. There has been a LOT going on here at the farm, most of which I cannot talk about. I would love to just ask you all to continue to lift up CooperRiis, the residents and staff, and myself in your prayers. There can be a lot of darkness in a place that handles mental illness, anxiety, and depression. It saddens me to see how people who suffer with these types of illnesses are mostly stigmatized rather than loved in society. We so overly focus our attention to certain charities or demographics - orphans, sex trafficking, poverty, etc. that we tend to abandon the not-so-popular vulnerabilities like mental illness or intellectual disability. Don't get me wrong, I love adorable Chinese babies or the immediate satisfaction that comes from feeding the homeless...but let's face it, we receive a blessing from these acts of justice just as much (if not more) than those receiving it. Sometimes, I think it would be good for us to take a step back and evaluate whether our acts of service stem from pure servanthood or desire for self-entitlement. I mean, we're human...it happens. Yet there's something that rubs me the wrong way when someone says the main purpose they serve is because "it makes them feel good." It's not a bad result, but should it be our number one incentive?

Now different people have different convictions and I think that is one of the beauties of the body of Christ. We all hold different passions and like to serve within those areas, but what if we branched out a little bit more? During morning meeting the other day, one of the staff members encouraged residents to use this time on the farm to channel a new part of themselves, to experiment with something they have never tried. Grew up in the suburbs? Try milking a goat on animal crew. Addicted to soda and junk food? Try an all-organic diet. Have a maid growing up? Scrub the toilets and mop the floors on campus crew. We all grew up in different ways, in different places, bred with different habits and different lifestyles. I am so inspired by people here who grew up in the city and discovered a passion for gardening and agriculture. They went out of their comfort zone to try something unfamiliar and discovered a lifework that they loved and enjoyed.

It makes me wonder how much we might miss out on if we never try new things or allow ourselves to get out of our comfort zones. 

I might be bias. I think the Lord has placed a spirit in me that does enjoy change, that enjoys diversity in people and within work. I have lessened my judgment towards those who may stay in the same place or do the same thing their whole lives - maybe that is part of the spirit that God has placed in them, one of longevity and contentment. But I think we do need to be careful with just how comfortable we allow ourselves to be. I believe that it is often in times of discomfort that we find God. Not to say that you need to jump off a building and break your leg to find the Lord in your pain - but rather to engage in areas of unfamiliarity that allow the Spirit to guide and teach you within the unknown.

I think this applies 100-fold in our acts of service. 

Jesus didn't tell His disciples to be a servant to just the widows or the orphans or the poor. He tells them to be a servant to ALL.

In my first ministry class, I chose to study orphan ministry and I felt very drawn towards this area over others. Course I was a baby. I really hadn't experienced many other areas at all; and so I mostly went with what I thought I would enjoy. As I explored other areas outside of orphan work, I discovered that I have several stigmas that lie within my heart. Several of these stigmas have just recently risen to the surface as I serve a demographic that is often ignored, is one of the more difficult demographics to work with, and may not ever provide a personal satisfaction. Yet I serve because the Spirit has given me a Spirit of power and love and discipline (2 Timothy 1:7) and a desire to spread the hope of Jesus to others - not for my gain, but for theirs and for the glory of His Kingdom. There are many, many different evils in this world and there are many different people who are in need. We can't meet every need, we can't serve every person...but maybe it's time we at least open our minds to advocate for those who don't have many advocates. Maybe it's time we serve wherever we may be led, not just to places that bring us the most personal satisfaction.

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33

We cannot save the world, but we serve a God who has overcome and has offered a way for people to be saved. If we are to be His disciples then we are to serve all - the elderly who resents you, the teenager who curses at you, the cripple whose appearance makes you uncomfortable, the schizophrenic who scares you, the bagger who gives you an attitude, the driver next to you who cuts you off. Our service is not only how we act, but how we react, how we treat others, how we extend love on a daily, hourly basis. Do we lay down our lives or do we expect others to respect us first? Do we favor serving some over others? Do we serve just because it makes us feel good or because we genuinely love God's people and desire to serve them in His Name?

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalm 32:8

As I continue to live and serve here at CooperRiis, the Lord continues to teach me how to be a servant of pure motive and heart. It is most definitely a process, but by His Spirit I learn little by little how to serve people who may hate me in return. How to love those who throw things or curse at me. How to lay down my life over and over that I may reflect a Savior who laid down His own life - not for the righteous, but for the sinners.

Rooted.

So it's March and we're officially immersed within the year of 2014. The holidays and all the hype surrounding them has officially faded, Christmas decorations have been put away (well hopefully), and spring is on the horizon. So what does that mean? Well, that means it's been a few months since we set those New Years Resolutions. Remember those? I know...I sort of already forgot mine too.

One I do remember and a resolution I know many set, is to begin a new Bible plan. Read through the Bible in a year, or two years, or the New Testament in 6 months, so on and so forth. I think it's great that many churches encourage a Bible reading plan as part of your New Years Resolution. What better practice to start off your year then to dig into a book that contains all the wisdom you need, comfort for every circumstance, and a holy experience when you commune with the Spirit as you read.

Has it become like every other New Years Resolution though? Does it die off after the first three weeks?

So, okay story time. When I was a freshman in college and had just re-dedicated my life I went through a bit of a roller-coaster with my faith. I went from radical/highly emotional, Pentecostal-esque believer to luke-warm Christian to questioning Christian within the first two years. I had been through a similar experience within the last decade, fluctuating between fully following Christ with all my heart to doubting it all and preferring intellectualism. I started to wonder whether I would be stuck in this roller-coaster faith my whole life. One day, a member of my sorority stood up in front of one of our meetings and shared with us that she had been struggling with an eating disorder and had fallen into depression. She told us about how she experienced the redemption of Christ and had found healing when she finally decided to take her faith seriously.

I was really humbled by her honesty and it struck a big chord in my heart.

Later, while at the bottom of my roller-coaster - I messaged her and asked what was the turning point? What did it mean to finally "take faith seriously?" I thought I had taken God and my faith seriously so why was I still facing doubts and a constant fluctuation in my faith? She gave me a piece of advice. She told me that I needed to start getting into the Word daily. Not in a legalistic, read 15 chapters a day kind of way; but in an obedient, genuine, I want to know more about Jesus kind of way. She warned me that I wouldn't always feel like it, I wouldn't always be happy when my alarm went off an hour earlier than usual; but that's okay. Our relationship with the Lord is deeper than feelings, but the more obedient we are to spending one-on-one time with Him the stronger our relationship will grow. With that, comes a stronger desire to be in the Word, a better ability to learn how to be still in the presence of God, and a stronger sense of His Spirit that develops within you His wisdom and goodness and love.

When I decided to commit myself to the Word, my faith grew leaps and bounds. When new believers approach me now and ask me how to get started on this faith thing, I smile because I see myself.

We have been designed to need a constant re-fueling of the Lord and His grace. I once heard an analogy that we are like a car and the Lord is the one behind the gas pump. We are designed to run out of gas. It's a wonderful thing, because if we weren't we might drive off into the distance and convince ourselves that we're the ones in charge, we've got this taken care of. But eeeertt, that's not how it works. We must always return to get out tanks filled again and again, which helps continually reminds us of who is the One behind the gas pump and ultimately in control of our journey.

So that's why it is absolutely necessary that we spend time with the Lord and in His Word to be re-fueled and to grow. In Mark 4, Jesus says that many will see but not perceive, hear but not understand. The parable of the Sower describes that some may hear and receive the word, but will fall away quickly because they have no root. Others will hear but the worries of life, deceitfulness of wealth, and desire for other things will come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. And yet others, will hear the word, accept it as truth, and will be fruitful up to a hundred times what was sown (Paraphrase v. 12-20). When we are deeply rooted in God's word, we can finally get off of our roller-coaster and grow steadily in faith.

Jesus says that the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed. Though it is the smallest of all seeds on earth, when it is planted it grows and becomes the largest of all plants. "He did not say anything to them without using a parable. But when he was alone with his own disciples, he explained everything" (Mark 4:34). Jesus grew His disciples in wisdom and understanding in times that He was alone with them. Likewise, it's in our personal time with the Lord and in His word that He grows us and keeps us deeply rooted in Him.

Tomorrow starts the season of Lent. I'm not Catholic, but I like the idea of Lent and have participated it the past few years - either adopting a new behavior or fasting from an old one to grow more dependent on the Lord and be more intentional in my time with Him. I'll be giving up make-up this year and adopting a vegan diet (giving up cheese and eggs will be a big stretch for me!). Along with that though, I have a few prayer practices that I plan on incorporating into my week and want to start being more intentional with having time for prayer and silence before bed at night. I encourage you to think about how you might spend this Lent season! Whether it's picking back up that New Years Resolution to dig into the Word of God, fasting from something that may keep you from personal devotion, or trying out a new prayer or journal practice - it is never ever too late to be intentional with your faith.

Imagine the trees that could grow if we all surrendered our lives and our time to be deeply rooted in the Lord! Together we would form such a beautiful garden and our strong branches would be an even stronger testimony to the world - how God could take such tiny mustard seeds and grow them in a way that would display the fullness of His glory.

Human Being or Human Doing?

Well, I just ended my evening sitting around a chimney fire, telling jokes, and knitting with residents. This is my "job," my new life for the next few months. It's crazy to think I've been here only two weeks. The CooperRiis community is so loving and welcoming, I feel like I'm already part of the family here.

My first week was full of life lessons and a growing compassion for people and health. The farm is really beautiful, and I'm on the third floor with a spectacular view of the mountains out my window. With my little chair I face out that direction every morning in solitude and devotion - I am truly grateful.

So I have already experienced many firsts! For the first time the airport lost my baggage, which made for an interesting first few days living off of sample toiletries and clothes from the "free bin." I went snow-tubing for the first time (in Toms y'all, I was not prepared..), learned how to knit (and I'm progressing with less and less "love spots"), and took a shot at archery last weekend (channeled my inner-Katniss of course). There's really no other way to explain my time here so far without using the word "fun." I really am having a blast living here and working alongside residents.

So at the CooperRiis farm, everyone is divided into different crews to take on various responsibilities. There is Kitchen, Garden, Farm, and Campus Crew where workers and residents work side by side throughout the day. For most of my first week I helped out on Campus Crew, a team which helps keep the lodges and facilities clean and tidy. The days flew by and I noticed that much of the daily routine on the farm is focused on "being." While I squeezed oranges alongside a resident who peeled potatoes, scrubbed the shower while a resident wiped the counters, I did so methodically - there was no deadlines, nothing was urgent, there was no ending product that I had to stress about. I was simply being in the moment, building relationships as I worked alongside residents.

One day, as I swept the stairs and mopped it down my mind snapped and I thought "I have a college degree." I realized the work I was doing was comparative to a janitorial position and for a split second the mentality to DO and ACCOMPLISH tried to creep in. We live in a society that SO emphasizes accomplishment and success and money, but I personally desire none of it. I have felt extremely fulfilled the last few days with work that allows me to be fully present in the moment, not caught worrying about the future or the next task. I have been able to be fully engaged in a task that simply needs to be completed, to be fully intentional with the team around me, to be fully embracing every moment. Friends! It has been such a beautiful thing. I think for so long I've been wrapped up in this task-driven mindset that I began to feel less like a human being and more like a human doing. Eventually life had started to feel like a compilation of worthless actions lacking heart or soul or real meaning.

I used to bring this into my faith as well. I want to DO BIG things for God! I want to MOVE MOUNTAINS. I want to ESTABLISH an incredible ministry. But then wait - who have I made it about then? In Matthew, when Jesus talks about the high officials and social hierarchy which aims at authority he tells the disciples that it should not be so with them. INSTEAD, he says

"whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Matt 20:26).

Jesus tells us that we are to be the complete opposite of what society tells us. Rather than aiming for power over others, we are to humble ourselves as their servant.

I was scrubbing floors... and having a Jesus moment, feeling grateful that the Lord had brought me to this place where I found authentic joy in being whatever I needed to be in order to love and serve this community in whatever way it needs it. Cause see, there's a difference between forced service and authentic service. Sometimes, when we feel that WE need to be the ones to do, do, do for others... we get burnt out. Yet when we switch our mentality to surrender to the Lord and simply fall in love with Him, we find that we more easily love others. We begin to genuinely desire to love and serve them.

Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me" (Matt 25:40). 

"Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you'll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty." (Matt 23:11-12, MSG)

When we serve and love God, the Spirit enables us to serve and love others and see them as made in His very image. As you surrender to the love that God pours into your heart, the outpour of that love will flow to others.

My time here on the farm has been so eye opening! As the Lord works in me, I am reminded of His sovereignty over all my weaknesses and shortcomings. To think He could use me as an outlet for His words and His actions and His love is overwhelming! My desire is that more would come to know the beauty of simply being. I asked myself the other day - if money didn't exist, if society considered all work equally acceptable, if power and success and recognition were completely taken out of the picture...What would I enjoy? How would I use my energy and my time?

Honestly...I don't know. So so much of me has been molded by these things that I have had to stop and reflect on what kind of person God has designed me to be. What talents, skills, traits would I utilize if nothing in society held me back?

The truth is, we can walk in freedom from this world if we choose to. Jesus set us free to have eternal, intimate communion with God, a relationship that unveils our soul's identity and reveals the beautiful design He created within us. I'm still in the process of discovering that design. Sometimes the process hurts and sometimes it's really exciting and rejuvenating. Wherever you are in the process, my prayer is that you won't allow the world and its lies of what you should and shouldn't do stand in the way of discovering genuine freedom to BE, to LIVE fully, and to LOVE every second.

The Luck of the Irish

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, 

for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Oh wow, where do I begin? We are officially on our last week of BVS orientation here in Florida! 

Orientation itself has been a really good experience. For food, we are given $0.75 for breakfast, $1 for lunch, and $1 for dinner. In food groups of 3-4 people we take turns cooking for our group of 15 as a way to learn how to “live simply.” We have talked about issues of poverty, types of conflict, and working styles. We have had several workdays – we have worked at a community center in Orlando, pulled weeds at Camp Ithiel, had “Drop Off Day” where we were dropped in Apopka and told to “Go Serve,” and worked at an Organic Farm in Tampa. I have lived, worked, played, and formed a family with these people who were strangers to me exactly two weeks ago.

Everyone in the orientation group is so so different! I really do appreciate the diversity of our group though; the diverse personalities, viewpoints, lifestyles, and beliefs. It’s a real dose of real life and I learn from it more and more every day. So while all of this group meshing, bonding, and working was going on – in the back of all of our minds was the golden question -- “Where in the world will we be placed?!” 

If I have ever experienced the fear of the unknown it was within the placement process.

I mean I had bought a one-way ticket to Florida…unsure of where I would be next, open and willing to go wherever yes, but most definitely coming to a new understanding of Jesus’ repeated command, “Do not fear.” You better believe stress levels were high for all of us at the beginning. Being the anxious person I am, I got to work right away at scanning over every project file. I took many runs, listened to many songs of encouragement, reminded myself of God’s provision through His Word, and of course, as an extrovert, vented to my new BVS friends. So to say the least, the placement process was stressful.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

I thought I pretty much knew what projects I was interested in, but of course as a group you become influenced by one another. One of my Food Group members voiced interest in my number 1 project, a girl who I was closer with completely changed her mind from South America to New York, the girl I bonded with most had pretty much already locked in one project I was looking at – BAH. 

Now, mind you, in orientation every day seems 14 hours long because so much happens within every hour. So after having my mind toss and turn a million times over I decided I needed to stop and surrender, go to the Lord in prayer and just trust. That being said, I am sooo grateful for those who supported me in this time with their prayers. I strongly believe in the power of prayer – and my placement is testimony to that.

So I had narrowed my projects down to three options, and had sufficiently stressed out when I heard someone else was interested in my number one choice. After talking to the international coordinator, the executive director pulled me aside to show me a message he had received. A project had just opened up last minute, an affiliate of East Belfast Mission – an inner-city ministry that I had been really interested in but was not taking anyone for our winter unit.

Would I be interested?

My head completely swarmed. I had been praying fiercely for open opportunities, for guidance, and ultimately for God’s will to be done. Then BOOM. Open door.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Outwardly, I calmly told my director that I would be interested at looking into the project further. While inwardly, I wanted to run and jump with joy at this new opportunity so suddenly opened for me. I prayed and prayed, and decided to replace my number one project preference with this new project that I still knew little about but felt strongly pulled towards. Over the weekend, I sat down with staff to discuss my preferences, had an interview with the international coordinator, and on Wednesday was told that the project had accepted me.

All of these e-mails were thrown at me about the project and all its details. I was overwhelmed to say the least. I wanted to be sure that this project was truly where God wanted me before giving them any decision, so I told them I would have to pray about everything and would confirm as soon as possible. Suddenly all of these apprehensions rushed to my mind – What if I actually wanted my #2 preference? Maybe I should actually serve domestically first? What if, maybe, blah blah blah.

Eeeerrk, stop. Surrender.

(I’m telling ya, to surrender is most definitely a daily process..an hourly process..)

Okay this is getting way too long and people have probably given up on figuring out where the heck I’m actually going! So anyway the next morning, I wrote the international coordinator – yes, I would accept this new project! When I walked into breakfast I told Callie (staff) about my confirmation and she let me know that they had already booked the flight to my interim project two days before. What?! I was so affirmed to know that staff had so much confidence in me and knew what decision I would ultimately make, despite my inner wishy-washiness.

SO friends – it’s official! I will be serving for two years in Belfast, Northern Ireland. (Fact: Northern Ireland is a different country than Ireland). I’ll be working with Gary Mason, past mission superintendent of East Belfast Mission and the new leader of a program called Journey towards Healing. I will be working with him to improve local and international community relations. I will be staying at Skainos, a community center where ministries for people of all ages and all levels of society come together. The church is at the center of this complex, symbolizing how the body of Christ should be at the center of local outreach and the local community.

My international project will not start until July 1^st of 2014 and so I will begin the process of preparing within these next few months. As I wait and prepare I will be serving at an interim project for 5 months in Mill Spring, North Carolina. I will be working for CooperRiis, which is a Healing Farm for those suffering with mental illness, anxiety, and depression. I’ll be living and working alongside residents, maintaining the facilities, building relationships, and just loving people during my time there.

I will try to keep everyone posted to how God works and what He is sure to teach me within these next couple of years. This new project that came out of the blue is one of the most vivid answers to prayer I have ever received, and I know I have many of my prayer supporters to thank for that. This opportunity is only by the grace of God and my one desire is that He may receive the glory with every relationship that is made and work that is done through this mission.

I would love to send out occasional newsletters to those who would like to receive specific project updates from me throughout my time of service. If you would like to receive these e-mails just sign up here: Contact Information Form

If you want to hear more information about the project or would like to support me in other ways before I go, feel free to reach out and message me on Facebook or e-mail me at secaldwell@outlook.com. Love you guys! 

To Missions and Beyond

So I figured it was time for an update on my life because 1) people have verbalized their frustrations with my lack of updates to where I now feel part guilty and 2) I most definitely want to recruit some prayer warriors as I begin this path that God is leading me down.

The Lord placed a huge impression on my heart several years ago when I fell in love with a small group ministry that I led. After coming from a really broken time in my life, I was able to truly learn what it meant to have the Spirit equip you despite your inadequacies. It was beautiful. From the start, I felt God leading me towards international missions. Yeahhh...at that point I had never been on an airplane. So I was like "That's crazy God. Is this me? It's gotta be me cause that's crazy."

The beautiful thing about brokenness is that it brings you to a place of complete surrender. The Lord had brought me to a place where I was able to finally realize that I was nothing without Him. My plans meant nothing if they were aimed towards anything but His glory. At the time my plans mostly pointed towards my own success, power, and society's approval. I realized, I didn't want any of it if it was apart from the will of God.

When I let go of my own plans, my own dreams, my own desires - I found a very wonderful thing. I found the very heart of Jesus. 

When I came to a place that I was able to simply enjoy the presence of God I was transformed deeply. So yeah, I still thought Him leading me towards ministry was crazy, but sometimes what might seem crazy on the surface is in fact a deep-rooted plan created by God before you were even born. He uses the unexpected, the ill-equipped, the willing, the broken  and equips them with His words, His action, His power. Not for their own glory or the approval of man; but for His glory, for His Kingdom, for His plan.

“And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.” 2 Corinthians 5:15

So in obedience, I said yes - I wasn't sure how everything would pan out but I trusted in His sovereignty and as I daily experienced His presence I further trusted that He knew best. Flash forward several years and the Lord has led me in ways I could have never imagined. He has used me to lead others, to love other cultures, to be mentored in ministry, and to continue to prepare me for this path that He has for me.

As a disclaimer, I want to clear something up. I believe that to pursue ministry, to become a missionary, or a pastor, or whatever - is no "higher" a calling than to be a businessman, or a nanny, or a garbage man. Is the expectation higher? Yes, according to Scripture it should be - but the level of righteousness is not higher. You don't have to go to Africa and serve in an orphanage to be the most "righteous" Christian. I strongly, strongly believe that we are all called to be missionaries - yet God leads us all uniquely, according to His plan, whether that's to serve within a secular workplace, within your own home, or within the slums of the Philippines.

So I want to clear that up because I do believe that even missions can become selfish. Our human hearts are prone to evil (Genesis 6:5). We must be on guard against the attacks of Satan even within our own churches, even within the work that at it's foundation is meant to glorify the Lord. To follow God's path is a matter of a heart aligned with His, not your own checklist which attempts to achieve strong faith. 

God has placed me on this unique path towards ministry, towards vocational missions; and I am continually humbled that He could use me to serve others and to share His love. It's really as simple as that. What I have learned through my ministry experience is that people are people, and sin is sin all over the world. Yes, it looks different; yes, cultures vary; yes, certain kinds of sin may be more rampant in certain places - but nonetheless, God is God and His people need Him - here, there, everywhere.

I have been preparing and praying that God may send me according to His timing. That if He called me to go I would go, if He called me to stay I would stay. After a lot of prayer, consideration, and mentorship I have decided to commit to an organization called BVS, the service branch of the Brethren denomination which accepts all denominations. In exactly one week, I will attend a three-week long orientation outside of Orlando, Florida where I will form a community with others being sent out and will ultimately be assigned my ministry project. BVS has placements both domestically and internationally, and they will work with me and pray with me as we seek God's guidance to what location and ministry I am to serve in.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

I would love love love if you all could pray for me within this process. It is an exciting time, but my biggest desire is that I may simply be a vessel for the continuing work of God.

Will you pray for me? That the Lord may provide me wisdom as I consider the various ministry projects and locations. That I will take time to be still, to listen, and to discern where He is leading. That I may form strong relationships with the others who are being prepared to go so that we may build a support and encouragement system for one another. That all those who are currently out serving both domestically and internationally would be renewed day by day. That the ministries would not become something focused on works or perfection, but would continue to be centered on the presence of God and would bear fruit by His hand. That through these ministries people may ultimately experience God and desire to know Him more, that His Kingdom would be expanded and that His sovereignty recognized.  

I am so excited for this next step and fully believe in the power of prayer and the body of Christ. I would love if you would support me as I begin this journey that God has ordained. May He receive the glory, always. 

Leave A Legacy

Okay fun side note: My old Instant Messenger name from when I was little was "Leavealegacy7"...I just think that's funny and since it's relevant to this blog, I had to go there...

SO wow, I have so many thoughts and am so overwhelmed with emotions that I figured I’d stay up after everyone has gone to bed to write this blog post…and okay maybe I want to brag on my family a little bit too. We’re visiting family in Mexico and I just always feel so encouraged and inspired when I spend time with my tias and their families.

...I really love my tias. Maybe it’s because every time I see them they call me “flacita” (skinny) or because they are short and precious or because they like to take my arm and affectionately put their head on my shoulder or smuggle me with kisses.

But I think my love for them goes beyond the little things.

The Orta ladies are the most tangible example of Proverbs 31 women that I have ever met. When you are with them you truly experience the power of the Holy Spirit and you see the beauty of Christ in their words, their actions, their hearts. It is the most beautiful, unexplainable experience and I am so humbled to get to inherit their legacy.  

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue" Proverbs 31:26

One of the things that most inspires me about my tias is their rich prayer lives. To say my tias are prayer warriors is the ultimate understatement of the century. These women know how to PRAY man. So SO many memories of experiencing this:

I will never forget New Years two years ago, sitting around the dinner table as the clock stroke midnight, and having my ears flooded with the words of a beautiful prayer in Spanish filled with passion. My Tia Raquel prayed over every single person around that table, for their families, for every detail of their lives. 

As I laid in bed last night, I heard my Tia Rebeca crying out to God in fierce prayer. It was one of the most beautiful experiences! Her heart for our Savior radiates to everyone around her, and to hear a glimpse of her personal time with God – phew, I was just blown away.

I remember the last time I was here in Mexico right before I left for the mission field in Costa Rica. My Tia Rosa laid her hands on me and prayed over this call that God had placed on my life. She prayed over the people of Costa Rica, for the teams that would come and serve, for personal strength and perseverance, for the spiritual warfare that would surely come, and for all the glory to ultimately be given to our God.

Tonight, as I sat at the table with my Tia Rosa and filled her in on my life the inevitable conversation of boys and relationships came up. As I shared with her my heart and the boy who has recently captured it, her eyes began to fill with tears. She reminded me that she had prayed and prayed ever since I was born over every detail of my life. She felt her prayers were confirmed when she heard my heart. She reminded me of God’s perfect sovereignty and provision. She so fully trusts that God will provide a partner for me whose desires align with mine, when my desires are aligning with His.

As I watched tears roll down her eyes, I felt so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit; knowing, trusting that when my tias say they pray over me – I mean, they PRAY over me.

I was reading the Sermon on the Mount in The Message yesterday. 

One section talks about “Empty Promises” it says:

“And don’t say anything you don’t mean…You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’” Matthew 5:33-37

Man, how many times have I had this thought…for those of us in the Christian circle I am sure this may strike a chord or two. There’s nothing wrong with saying you will pray over someone, but just make sure you do it. Heck, do it with them – pray over them. Let it be heard. I promise it will be much more powerful. It makes me smile to think of my friend Carrie who is such a beautiful example of this! I can just hear her sweet voice “Hey, can we pray really quick?” or “I just feel like we all need to pray right now over this.” Shout-out to Carrie: you're awesome!

So anyways, this is kind of jumbled but as I sit here in the silence, at the end of a sweet day filled with laughter, praise, and love I am just filled with gratitude to be part of this family. Our families impact us SO much, whether we want to admit it or not. Our actions can have an eternal and lasting impact and we leave a legacy for future generations. As the Caldwell Clan welcomes our first little baby I can’t help but feel like our impact is just now starting. I want to be like my tias. I want to pray fervently over every detail of Baby Caleb’s life. I want my life to shine for Christ so that he may experience Him in a mighty way when we are together. I want him to come to a place where he personally enjoys God's overwhelming presence all the days of his life. I want to leave a legacy where faith is not just words, it’s not just church or Sunday School lessons; it’s a lifestyle, it’s action, it’s a daily and personal relationship with God that people can genuinely, unexplainably experience. 

What legacy do you want to leave?

A Year In Review

Well, I feel sort of obligated to write a New Years post. I was thinking about how we've attached New Years to new beginnings and fresh starts. It's a time to move on from the past and adopt new habits. I mean, I'm all about it. The goal-oriented, planner side of me just loves reflecting on the past and setting goals for the future.

I realized though, that as a believer, I have the opportunity to do this daily. Every day is a fresh start. Every day I learn new things about Jesus. Every day I am reminded of my inadequacies as I fall short again and again. Every day I am filled with gratitude that Jesus came to die so that my slate is wiped clean forever. I don't have to be perfect; I don't have to earn salvation; I'm not considered a hopeless case if I fail to reach every goal that I set. I just have to follow Jesus, and when I let go of trying to attain perfect faith then I find that my faith is perfected by the power of the Holy Spirit as I learn and grow every day in Him.

Mm, it's just a refreshing thought!

When I look back on the last year I see how God moved, tested, challenged, and blessed me. I had the opportunity to live in Hong Kong and learn about the people and culture of Asia. I fell in love with the Philippines and the children who were the most loving and fascinating people I've ever met. I traveled with my sister for the first time as we backpacked China. I graduated from Baylor. I maintained a long-distance relationship, moved to Indiana, and went through a break-up. I persevered through a 10-hour hospitalization program. I started my first real job and let it go when God asked me to go a different direction.

To be honest, 2013 was probably one of my most challenging years so far. On the outside, it seems there were many blessings within the last year, and there were, but there was a lot of testing as well. I was deeply humbled with everything that happened this past year. And ya know, I'm really grateful for that. Really grateful that I am starting 2014 in this humility, in this place of surrender. I've experienced how this humility really effects my every day, transforms my desires. I've never so strongly craved time with the Lord, so much so that I ran around last night making sure to pour into all of my relationships and commit to celebrate the holiday with them, but speed back home to ring in the New Year in prayer with family.

Every year just brings so much change when your seeking after the Lord, it's pretty crazy, it's pretty awesome, it's pretty crazy awesome.

So with all that being said, of course I still have plans for this year....I'm a planner remember? But these plans aren't necessarily what I need to accomplish or check off my life list, they're more desires to grow in the Lord and trust that He'll lead me wherever He needs me to be; trusting that God's plans are much, much better than anything I could ever think up - and I don't want to let my plans get in the way of hearing His plans.

So in 2014, I resolve to love more abundantly and courageously, to deepen my prayer life, to give more of my finances and time, to read more and glare at a computer less, to make more time for silence, to be fully recovered, to stop multi-tasking and live fully in each moment...

Really though, I'm just excited to continue to grow in the Lord, knowing that when I do that He aligns my desires with his, develops me more according to His will, and accomplishes things through me that I could have never accomplished on my own.

Each year is truly a beautiful year when you're walking alongside the Lord. My prayer is that many, many more will come to know this truth in 2014!

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8