Monday, July 22, 2013

A Page From My Journal


Thinking a lot lately about feeling discontent - already realizing I use the excuse that I "thrive off change" but maybe that's just me always running from the inevitable discontent that comes once the newness fades.

How do we discern God's will versus selfish motivations? We can so easily get caught up thinking we're somehow more "spiritual" that we slowly begin to take things back into our own hands again; and we deceive ourselves into thinking we somehow have it figured out because we are followers of God.

We must continually learn to die to ourselves. Every day. And when we finally begin to think we've mastered it - how to selflessly pursue righteousness, then we should start over again. Because we are broken and righteousness is impossible a task to master on our own, or by our own works.

So where does that leave me in the chase for contentment? It leaves me at square one. At the cross with nothing to give as God opens my eyes to see that the only good in me is from Him. It's something that can so easily be covered by my self-sufficiency and made-up self-righteousness.

For once, I'll stop dwelling on what happens next. I'll stop over-reflecting, asking WHY I feel discontent. And I'll just let go, give it to God, and move on. Focusing not on self but on dying to that self, one day at a time.

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