To Missions and Beyond

So I figured it was time for an update on my life because 1) people have verbalized their frustrations with my lack of updates to where I now feel part guilty and 2) I most definitely want to recruit some prayer warriors as I begin this path that God is leading me down.

The Lord placed a huge impression on my heart several years ago when I fell in love with a small group ministry that I led. After coming from a really broken time in my life, I was able to truly learn what it meant to have the Spirit equip you despite your inadequacies. It was beautiful. From the start, I felt God leading me towards international missions. Yeahhh...at that point I had never been on an airplane. So I was like "That's crazy God. Is this me? It's gotta be me cause that's crazy."

The beautiful thing about brokenness is that it brings you to a place of complete surrender. The Lord had brought me to a place where I was able to finally realize that I was nothing without Him. My plans meant nothing if they were aimed towards anything but His glory. At the time my plans mostly pointed towards my own success, power, and society's approval. I realized, I didn't want any of it if it was apart from the will of God.

When I let go of my own plans, my own dreams, my own desires - I found a very wonderful thing. I found the very heart of Jesus. 

When I came to a place that I was able to simply enjoy the presence of God I was transformed deeply. So yeah, I still thought Him leading me towards ministry was crazy, but sometimes what might seem crazy on the surface is in fact a deep-rooted plan created by God before you were even born. He uses the unexpected, the ill-equipped, the willing, the broken  and equips them with His words, His action, His power. Not for their own glory or the approval of man; but for His glory, for His Kingdom, for His plan.

“And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again.” 2 Corinthians 5:15

So in obedience, I said yes - I wasn't sure how everything would pan out but I trusted in His sovereignty and as I daily experienced His presence I further trusted that He knew best. Flash forward several years and the Lord has led me in ways I could have never imagined. He has used me to lead others, to love other cultures, to be mentored in ministry, and to continue to prepare me for this path that He has for me.

As a disclaimer, I want to clear something up. I believe that to pursue ministry, to become a missionary, or a pastor, or whatever - is no "higher" a calling than to be a businessman, or a nanny, or a garbage man. Is the expectation higher? Yes, according to Scripture it should be - but the level of righteousness is not higher. You don't have to go to Africa and serve in an orphanage to be the most "righteous" Christian. I strongly, strongly believe that we are all called to be missionaries - yet God leads us all uniquely, according to His plan, whether that's to serve within a secular workplace, within your own home, or within the slums of the Philippines.

So I want to clear that up because I do believe that even missions can become selfish. Our human hearts are prone to evil (Genesis 6:5). We must be on guard against the attacks of Satan even within our own churches, even within the work that at it's foundation is meant to glorify the Lord. To follow God's path is a matter of a heart aligned with His, not your own checklist which attempts to achieve strong faith. 

God has placed me on this unique path towards ministry, towards vocational missions; and I am continually humbled that He could use me to serve others and to share His love. It's really as simple as that. What I have learned through my ministry experience is that people are people, and sin is sin all over the world. Yes, it looks different; yes, cultures vary; yes, certain kinds of sin may be more rampant in certain places - but nonetheless, God is God and His people need Him - here, there, everywhere.

I have been preparing and praying that God may send me according to His timing. That if He called me to go I would go, if He called me to stay I would stay. After a lot of prayer, consideration, and mentorship I have decided to commit to an organization called BVS, the service branch of the Brethren denomination which accepts all denominations. In exactly one week, I will attend a three-week long orientation outside of Orlando, Florida where I will form a community with others being sent out and will ultimately be assigned my ministry project. BVS has placements both domestically and internationally, and they will work with me and pray with me as we seek God's guidance to what location and ministry I am to serve in.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

I would love love love if you all could pray for me within this process. It is an exciting time, but my biggest desire is that I may simply be a vessel for the continuing work of God.

Will you pray for me? That the Lord may provide me wisdom as I consider the various ministry projects and locations. That I will take time to be still, to listen, and to discern where He is leading. That I may form strong relationships with the others who are being prepared to go so that we may build a support and encouragement system for one another. That all those who are currently out serving both domestically and internationally would be renewed day by day. That the ministries would not become something focused on works or perfection, but would continue to be centered on the presence of God and would bear fruit by His hand. That through these ministries people may ultimately experience God and desire to know Him more, that His Kingdom would be expanded and that His sovereignty recognized.  

I am so excited for this next step and fully believe in the power of prayer and the body of Christ. I would love if you would support me as I begin this journey that God has ordained. May He receive the glory, always. 

Leave A Legacy

Okay fun side note: My old Instant Messenger name from when I was little was "Leavealegacy7"...I just think that's funny and since it's relevant to this blog, I had to go there...

SO wow, I have so many thoughts and am so overwhelmed with emotions that I figured I’d stay up after everyone has gone to bed to write this blog post…and okay maybe I want to brag on my family a little bit too. We’re visiting family in Mexico and I just always feel so encouraged and inspired when I spend time with my tias and their families.

...I really love my tias. Maybe it’s because every time I see them they call me “flacita” (skinny) or because they are short and precious or because they like to take my arm and affectionately put their head on my shoulder or smuggle me with kisses.

But I think my love for them goes beyond the little things.

The Orta ladies are the most tangible example of Proverbs 31 women that I have ever met. When you are with them you truly experience the power of the Holy Spirit and you see the beauty of Christ in their words, their actions, their hearts. It is the most beautiful, unexplainable experience and I am so humbled to get to inherit their legacy.  

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue" Proverbs 31:26

One of the things that most inspires me about my tias is their rich prayer lives. To say my tias are prayer warriors is the ultimate understatement of the century. These women know how to PRAY man. So SO many memories of experiencing this:

I will never forget New Years two years ago, sitting around the dinner table as the clock stroke midnight, and having my ears flooded with the words of a beautiful prayer in Spanish filled with passion. My Tia Raquel prayed over every single person around that table, for their families, for every detail of their lives. 

As I laid in bed last night, I heard my Tia Rebeca crying out to God in fierce prayer. It was one of the most beautiful experiences! Her heart for our Savior radiates to everyone around her, and to hear a glimpse of her personal time with God – phew, I was just blown away.

I remember the last time I was here in Mexico right before I left for the mission field in Costa Rica. My Tia Rosa laid her hands on me and prayed over this call that God had placed on my life. She prayed over the people of Costa Rica, for the teams that would come and serve, for personal strength and perseverance, for the spiritual warfare that would surely come, and for all the glory to ultimately be given to our God.

Tonight, as I sat at the table with my Tia Rosa and filled her in on my life the inevitable conversation of boys and relationships came up. As I shared with her my heart and the boy who has recently captured it, her eyes began to fill with tears. She reminded me that she had prayed and prayed ever since I was born over every detail of my life. She felt her prayers were confirmed when she heard my heart. She reminded me of God’s perfect sovereignty and provision. She so fully trusts that God will provide a partner for me whose desires align with mine, when my desires are aligning with His.

As I watched tears roll down her eyes, I felt so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit; knowing, trusting that when my tias say they pray over me – I mean, they PRAY over me.

I was reading the Sermon on the Mount in The Message yesterday. 

One section talks about “Empty Promises” it says:

“And don’t say anything you don’t mean…You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’” Matthew 5:33-37

Man, how many times have I had this thought…for those of us in the Christian circle I am sure this may strike a chord or two. There’s nothing wrong with saying you will pray over someone, but just make sure you do it. Heck, do it with them – pray over them. Let it be heard. I promise it will be much more powerful. It makes me smile to think of my friend Carrie who is such a beautiful example of this! I can just hear her sweet voice “Hey, can we pray really quick?” or “I just feel like we all need to pray right now over this.” Shout-out to Carrie: you're awesome!

So anyways, this is kind of jumbled but as I sit here in the silence, at the end of a sweet day filled with laughter, praise, and love I am just filled with gratitude to be part of this family. Our families impact us SO much, whether we want to admit it or not. Our actions can have an eternal and lasting impact and we leave a legacy for future generations. As the Caldwell Clan welcomes our first little baby I can’t help but feel like our impact is just now starting. I want to be like my tias. I want to pray fervently over every detail of Baby Caleb’s life. I want my life to shine for Christ so that he may experience Him in a mighty way when we are together. I want him to come to a place where he personally enjoys God's overwhelming presence all the days of his life. I want to leave a legacy where faith is not just words, it’s not just church or Sunday School lessons; it’s a lifestyle, it’s action, it’s a daily and personal relationship with God that people can genuinely, unexplainably experience. 

What legacy do you want to leave?

A Year In Review

Well, I feel sort of obligated to write a New Years post. I was thinking about how we've attached New Years to new beginnings and fresh starts. It's a time to move on from the past and adopt new habits. I mean, I'm all about it. The goal-oriented, planner side of me just loves reflecting on the past and setting goals for the future.

I realized though, that as a believer, I have the opportunity to do this daily. Every day is a fresh start. Every day I learn new things about Jesus. Every day I am reminded of my inadequacies as I fall short again and again. Every day I am filled with gratitude that Jesus came to die so that my slate is wiped clean forever. I don't have to be perfect; I don't have to earn salvation; I'm not considered a hopeless case if I fail to reach every goal that I set. I just have to follow Jesus, and when I let go of trying to attain perfect faith then I find that my faith is perfected by the power of the Holy Spirit as I learn and grow every day in Him.

Mm, it's just a refreshing thought!

When I look back on the last year I see how God moved, tested, challenged, and blessed me. I had the opportunity to live in Hong Kong and learn about the people and culture of Asia. I fell in love with the Philippines and the children who were the most loving and fascinating people I've ever met. I traveled with my sister for the first time as we backpacked China. I graduated from Baylor. I maintained a long-distance relationship, moved to Indiana, and went through a break-up. I persevered through a 10-hour hospitalization program. I started my first real job and let it go when God asked me to go a different direction.

To be honest, 2013 was probably one of my most challenging years so far. On the outside, it seems there were many blessings within the last year, and there were, but there was a lot of testing as well. I was deeply humbled with everything that happened this past year. And ya know, I'm really grateful for that. Really grateful that I am starting 2014 in this humility, in this place of surrender. I've experienced how this humility really effects my every day, transforms my desires. I've never so strongly craved time with the Lord, so much so that I ran around last night making sure to pour into all of my relationships and commit to celebrate the holiday with them, but speed back home to ring in the New Year in prayer with family.

Every year just brings so much change when your seeking after the Lord, it's pretty crazy, it's pretty awesome, it's pretty crazy awesome.

So with all that being said, of course I still have plans for this year....I'm a planner remember? But these plans aren't necessarily what I need to accomplish or check off my life list, they're more desires to grow in the Lord and trust that He'll lead me wherever He needs me to be; trusting that God's plans are much, much better than anything I could ever think up - and I don't want to let my plans get in the way of hearing His plans.

So in 2014, I resolve to love more abundantly and courageously, to deepen my prayer life, to give more of my finances and time, to read more and glare at a computer less, to make more time for silence, to be fully recovered, to stop multi-tasking and live fully in each moment...

Really though, I'm just excited to continue to grow in the Lord, knowing that when I do that He aligns my desires with his, develops me more according to His will, and accomplishes things through me that I could have never accomplished on my own.

Each year is truly a beautiful year when you're walking alongside the Lord. My prayer is that many, many more will come to know this truth in 2014!

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8